Expect the unexpected

It has been a really long day. In the morning, I actually had fun in school. We had free periods for SS and F&N. It's so rare to have Mdm Wahidah absent.. But things got alittle too shitty after school. Really shitty. And then just when I thought today was so fucked up, she replied me. And changed my mood completely. Sigh. I don't know what will happen tmr and I'm actually scared since tmr's Friday the 13th. But I really really hope things will go well with us tmr.

You and me again.

Haiz..

One day, you'll be mine.

Goodnight.

o(╯□╰)o

Why? Do I really suck so much?

Aw └(^o^)┘

I want us to be like that, please.

LMAO

This is too funny.

Good day

I had a really good day today. Though I'm tired, I really am happy. School was somewhat fun. We had pe, Eng, maths and chem. I think I had a nervous breakdown after Eng, so I went crazy. It was so funny. Those that had their N level oral today got to skip Bio. I want to talk about what happened after oral cause that's where the fun part starts but, I'm really tired and as long as I can remember what happened, I'm satisfied (:

Remember what I told you before? Guess not.

Feeling as lonely as ever.
My N level English oral is tomorrow, fuck me now.
Can someone buy a house and build me these rooms for me? I will fucking love you.

Goodbye ........

We haven't talked properly in a very long time. I've been bottling up everything inside. Whatever that's on my mind, stays in there. Why can't you just fix this up? Why can't you just read my mind, and make me happy? You don't want to. If you did we wouldn't be here now. Sometimes I look at the monkey, you bought for me last year, and all I want to do with it is just throw it away. I don't want to rely on it when I cry myself to sleep everynight. I don't want to hug it when I miss you. I don't want to even look at it cause it reminds me of you. Can't you see? Everything around me reminds me of you, and then you're there hurting me. Everyone's out to get me... But you can't. You don't deserve to me hurt me, not anymore. If you don't want me, I'll find someone else who needs me.

Support LGBT!

Just reached home. So tired. Pink dot was just okay. Kumar was so cute... Hahaha though there were 15000 people there, I didn't like anyone. I just kept thinking about her. Sigh. Okay goodnight

Stickman exercising on my hand. Haha.

You and me?

I like her, a lot. Was devastated at first when I thought she left without me. But somehow something made me stay behind, and then she appeared. 10 minutes was all I had with her, but that was enough. I know I'm going down a wrong path, I know she doesn't feel the way I feel about her. But what can I do when my heart aches for her everytime I don't see her? I can't help it. So love me please,

Sigh

You have no idea.

You may think I'm being difficult and maybe unreasonable but just wait. One day you'll know why.

Sick

It's 3:50ish in the morning. Surprisingly both my brother and sister are still awake. I'm really tired, I can actually feel my body getting heavier every minute. I'm having a fever, my body's so hot I'm perspiring, my nose is having mood swing, one minute it's blocked, the other minute it leaks non stop. My dustbin is filled with tissue. My eyes are itchy and watery.. I'm feeling horrible and I don't know what to do. I want a nice cup of hot chocolate, but my legs are so heavy I don't think I'll be able to make it downstairs. Oh great there's water coming out from everywhere... and I just stained my bed. I think there is something wrong with me. I can feel a headache coming, I'm so sleepy. Decided to sleep downstairs since my bed's dirty ( tried my best to clean but the best way is to change my bedsheet I'll do that tmr ) and I don't really want to disturb my sister with my random sneezing. I feel like shit. Help me please

What's the point?

Told myself not to trust anyone. So how the fuck did I end up telling you everything?
I'm tired. I'm done.. Living my life as if I'm dead.

I can't

I can't do this.
I can't hold on any longer.
I can't keep bottling everything.
I can't keep pretending.
I can't keep dragging this.
I can't be happy.
I can't say anything correctly.
I can't do anything right.

But I can end all this.

Don't have a say in anything

Have you ever felt like it was the end of your world and all you could do was watch it crumble down? How is it that every single thing in my life isn't working out? If I actually was a bad person, maybe I'd blame it on karma. But I'm not, I don't steal, I don't kill.. I mean I try to be good, but nothing ever seems to be good enough.

Just a rough sketch for my sis

The ballerina

The frightened ballerina, standing on her toes stood behind the curtain in a dainty pose. Having practiced faithfully hour after hour, inside her heart was pounding. Outside her muscled power overcame her fear. The overture now playing, each note was in her ear. And as the curtain opened it took away her fear. The stage, the lights became her love.Each pirouette and leap took her way above into a different sphere. The audience, mesmerized, intent on every motion, appreciation on their faces showed deep emotion. And as the music ended she took her final bow.No longer was she frightened, in fact emboldened now. She knew why she was here. To dance, to dance at every given chance. To hear the applause and hear them call her name. And so the ballerina standing on her toes so graceful and dainty is awed as she does hear. 'Bravo, bravo,bravo, my dear.'

Edwina Reize

I hate this

Lotte world

Spent the whole day at lotte world. Best day in Korea.

One word, why?

and then suddenly, for no apparent reason, everything started to fall apart.

Hurt

How is it I don't feel like I'm a part of this family? If I don't belong here, then where do I belong? Who am I? Do you know how pain it is when you're not welcomed anywhere? Not even to people you call family. If only I could run, run and never return.

You promised.

Have you forgotten what you said to me?

Yawn.

I'm so tired. I feel so nauseous, I can actually puke right now. Everyday a part of me disappears, my energy level gets lower and lower. It's like there's a leech stuck on me, sucking the life out of me. This is exhausting, my body and mind's fucked. I'm fucked.

Soon

I'm falling to pieces

Went to school today. Mr Faizal didn't even look at my letter when I gave it to him. Had 3 period with Ms n in the morning, couldn't stop looking at her. The day was slow and boring, have been having a headache since this morning. Cut my hair after school, since then everybody who has seen my new haircut has been criticizing it. I guess I don't blame them, even my brother and sister says it's ugly. My appearance is ugly, my personality is ugly, I guess it fits. Feeling so hopeless and useless, as usual.

Hard

Don't know why things have to be so damn difficult. Nobody wants to fucking help, everyone just cares about their fucking self.

My vampire girl

This is what happens when I'm just in a bad mood, nothing comes out well.

Ps. It actually looks a lot better real life.

Numb

All this shit's happening again. So fucking tired man. Just not gonna give a shit anymore. All you fuckers out there that like to see me hurt, come. Give me all you got. Sigh cause I don't feel anything anymore, cause I don't want to feel anything.

Losing hope

I thought things were getting better, I thought finally my dark days are over. I guess I thought wrong.
I had a long day today, I don't know why I'm still not getting enough sleep, eventhough it's the weekends. I had to wake up early today cause I was forced to go to church, so imagine my state of cranky-ness this morning. It has actually been about 5 weeks or more since I went to St Stephens... And mass wasn't exactly enjoying, it was pretty disappointing actually. I kinda want to change church, maybe go to Queen of peace or something..
I spent the afternoon reading and i made a card for my church friend, Ruth. I actually started reading a new book that elnatureq lend to me, and I finished it in about 2/3 hours? Cool shit. Though I didn't take a picture of the card I made, I still liked it..
I was supposed to go with Gen to Emdd, but both of us weren't free so instead I met up with my church friends. I had a lot of fun, I miss them so much. We had an early dinner at Hot tomato. Dinner was good and funny. Halfway while we were eating,one of them went off to get a cake and we started singing a birthday song for Ruth. I think she was in a state of shock for a minute, hahaha. After dinner, we decided to catch a movie since it was still so early, and I meant really early like 6. We wanted to watch men in black 3 but it was full so we watched What to expect when you're expecting. It was funny and good. I don't mind watching it again. I love my church friends, they accept me, they are true friends and that's all I ever ask for. Jonas even wanted to walk me home, but I convinced him to go home after walking with me halfway. I spent about 40bucks today and I'm really disappointed...
I know my day doesn't sound bad at all but I wish to just not talk about the bad part. I was really hoping I could see ....... today, my phone died on me and even then I still wished she could somehow sensed that there was something wrong and wait for me till I get back. But nevermind it's too late anyway. Losing hope all over again, i don't want to be like that. Goodnight.

Me

Zebra

What i did today.. Took photos for Ms H's birthday present. Drew, long board, and completed the story game for Call of duty, and met Ms h. Don't know why my mood's really weird now. I'm very tired, and a little upset. I don't know why.. Okay goodnight.

Oh and by the way, this is what I drew.

Too tired to give up.

Trying not to give up. Today's been a bad day, held my tears back in school. To those who are responsible for making my life so miserable, one day you'll see that you are the cause of the future me. I'm going to be happy, I'm going to be successful. I just have to deal with these stuff just for awhile more. Just a few more months and I'll be out of KC. No more fake friends, No more drama, No more heartbreaks, No more of anything. I just have to work really hard now, I have to. I just got to forget about everything, not let anything/anyone bring me down. I'm going to forget about being unhappy for now. I need this. Goodnight.

Ps. Meet my cutie pie, Gemma.

Ps. Gonna dress like that on Halloween, k still long time more, have to maintain. Hahaha.

Try making the first fucking move yeah?

Why is time passing so slow this week? Well at least tomorrow's the last day of school. School was actually fun today, apart from spending the whole morning watching a movie called 'The Lady' (and it was good), I scratched people... I'm a cat/dinosaur/monkey. K lol I'm weird. Hahahaha. And eventhough Ms T let us watch the show during chem, she kinda pissed me off still. Like what the fuck is her problem, so annoying. Already decided to just leave her alone, let her be. She wants to be like that, I'll be like this. After school, we got bubble tea before we headed home. Long story cut short, I spent the rest of the day with Ms H. Had a good time. Now I need a good rest, exhausted and dying. Hahaha I have this feeling it's gonna rain tonight or maybe tomorrow morning, whatever it doesn't matter to me as long as I'm not disturbed. Okay, goodnight.

Say a little prayer

Today I didn't pray at all, even prayers during school time. But tonight the only person I'll be praying for is Ms T's Dad. I hate her now, but I can't see her so worried and hurt. I just want him to get well, I want him to be okay. I want her to be okay. Just let him be better please, I'll take over his place, I don't mind. I just want her to be happy.

Shagged

It's been a long day, want to talk about it but I'm so tired. I really really want to sleep and I hope I will soon. The only person that pissed me off today was Ms t. Fucking disappointed with her, I want to end all ties with her. So tired.... Goodnight

Broken

Look at me when I'm talking to you, you looking at me but I'm looking through you. I see the blood in your eyes, I see the love in disguise. I see the pain hidden in your pride, I see you're not satisfied.

Happy,

Decided to blog since I'm waiting for my Xbox to update. Today's been a good day for me. Eventhough school was really boring at some parts, I survived it. 2 days down 3 more to go, not even including my structured lessons. Sigh. The more I think about hanging out less with Gen and Claire, the more I actually want to do it. Both of them didn't come to school today, and I didn't get pissed with anything. Although i don't want to hang out with them anymore, that doesn't mean they're not good friends. I mean I love them to bits, and we've known each other for five years. They are awesome but I guess I just need to sober up and start studying. I don't want them to disrupt this plan.
Omgomg, someone decided to give me a part of everything today : ) She gave me a shuffle and an Xbox game, 360 Call of duty(MW3). My gawd, both items are awesome they practically blew my mind away. Heh Heh. Already tried out the game, and it's just great. Hahaha. So I don't really mind the pain I've been feeling the whole day, it's worth it (: A big shout out to Ms Hafie, THANK YOU SO MUCH, ILUVYOU!
I just got blamed for something I think I didn't do. I should be pissed but that's okay. I'm just thinking about my game, I want to continue playing but I can't. I need to sleep early tonight, I'm so tired and my head's killing me. I'm happy, and it's been so long since I felt like this.
I know I should be contended but I can't help but think of Ms t and Ms n... Seriously, should I just let both go? I mean I have Ms h, and I kinda just need to concentrate on my studies too. I don't know.

You got that smile that can light up my world

I'm an animal

I want this week to pass quickly.
Today was pretty much a waste of time, I'm sure tmr will be too. So many things have happened over the past few days;
-Stopped talking to Ms t. I miss her so much, I really hate this bittersweet relationship. I want to tell her that I miss her but it's probably useless...
-Started talking to Ms h. I don't know what happened and why we started again, but I don't really care. As long as we're fine, then forget about the past. You know it's cute how she just agrees to whatever I ask. Haha. Just yesterday I was shopping online and now I've a whole list of stuff in my cart that I want to buy. She actually asked me what I was looking at and what I wanted but I didn't tell her. She just has to wait till I buy it first, heh heh. I'm happy that we're talking again, I really hope she is too.
-My health and body system seem to be failing badly. I'm scared, I don't know why am I like that. I don't know what to do. And I just got my red sea today, so the cramps aren't exactly helping. My last stick was on Saturday night, so I'm a little cranky but I cannot get addicted so I just have to be patient. I have a craving for cutting now, but I know I can't too. I can't do this, I can't do that..

I'm so tired, but yet I'm so excited. Can't stop thinking cause someone said she'll buy me everything. And she actually asked if that was everything, hahaha. If that someone is reading this right now, you better hurry get everything before I go crazy. Hahaha. Shall bond with my Xbox now before I sleep. I really want to talk to N, but I can't, probably never will. I'm an animal watch me rawr. RAWR, I guess I lost it. Goodnight to people out there that's gonna sleep with a heavy heart tonight. Tomorrow's a new day, things will get better.

You don't know a thing about me

You pestered me to let you see my blog. And when I finally did show you a few posts, you fucking judged me. Just because I tell you stuff and we text and all, doesn't mean you know me. You know I don't like telling anybody how I feel. Sometimes when you sense that I'm in a bad mood you ask about my day, and I tell you about it. But that's just the fucking good part, even the 'bad' that I may have told you is not even near what really was wrong. You don't fucking know a thing about me, so don't even dare try to fucking judge me. You obviously don't give a shit about me, you just think I'm plain negative and emo. And you fucking think that I choose to be like that. Your words have not only offended me, i'm pissed off, disappointed and most probably hurt. It's because of people like you that I decided to keep everything to myself, to not show my blog to people. You want to know what actual hurt me the most? Is to think that you would care? Cause you always tell me you want to be there for me. The posts you chose were all about my life in danger, but did you ever ask about me? Not one word of concern, nothing. Thanks for everything but I've had enough of you. Yes I love you but I actually like other people too, so you're not fucking special. You have so many flaws and I can't accept that, I don't like it.