The shit I love

Cause nobody will ever know

Things will get better. Yesterday was disappointing but I have to be grateful. I have to be grateful. I'll count on myself to be happy. I'll save my own money to buy the things I want. I'll keep to myself. I'll be myself. Cause I know nobody's going to make me happy.
Just officially wrote the first letter out to Ms n. And here's the first picture I drew for her.

I know, it's fucking cute.

11:11

So I hope tmr will be a good day. Eventhough the plan is to study hardcore. I have to do this, final lap.

Always tired, always sad

What could possibly go wrong? Every single thing.

I'm drained

I went downstairs and my mum smiled at me and said sth to me but I just walked past her and ignored her. My dad just came home and he said Hi twice but I ignored him too. I feel so fucking rude, but I can't. I can't look at them in the eye and say anything. I can't face them. I'm so tired. I don't even know when was the last time I wasn't, I don't even remember when I was happy, I don't even know if there will ever be a day that I will be finally happy.
People leaving, people fighting. They don't know that every time there's a fight, I lose. A part of my soul leaves. Everyday I seem to be losing my motivation for anything and everything, especially studying. I keep it all inside, pretend that everything's going well. But when night comes, I go to sleep with a soaked pillow. Cause at night, all my emotions are released from the bottle I keep locked in my heart. It's so hard,

Birthday gift??

Please please can I have a makeover for my room? zomg!

Incomplete tweet

Everyone's happy, what about me?

Wish I wasn't born

I can't, I can't do this. I can't do this anymore.

Lmao

This cheered me up,

It's so hard to please me

What's going on? Am I getting tired of H? She's been so good to me, she supports me, she's here for me every time I'm down. She buys me everything I want, when I'm not even her own blood. She never want anything in return, and why isn't all these enough?
It's just about a week left to my N level. I don't want to take my O's. So this exam is my final lap, five years in secondary school and I can't believe I'm not ready to leave. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. God help me.

Will I ever get to do all these with you?

Give me a gun,

The fact that eating is such a torture just goes to show that even my body is giving up.

Pain

I'm always trying to be there for everyone, to please everyone. But where are they when I need someone? Who's there for me when I need to be cheered up? Nobody.
I'm giving up,

You and me?

The only picture that turned out perfect. I think this is probably my favourite picture. I think we really look cute together. I love her, and that's all there is.

KC Family day

So my first birthday present is from Ms H. My first Polaroid camera, Polaroid sx70 one step. I brought it to school yesterday and took a few photos. Everybody loved my camera, but it was so hard trying to take a perfect picture. I had fun yesterday, eventhough the carnival was so boring. I got to spend some time with Ms n, and Ms chua came to talk to me too. Lovely day, couldn't ask for more.
My girl on the right, Ms n. Our first time taking a picture together.
And everyone meet Marley, my awesome camera.

Idk

All alone downstairs. Just sitting in the kitchen with my phone in one hand and a glass of vodka in the other.. Haven't eaten anything and yet I'm drinking but who cares. A stick would be good now. Everything's so fucked up. But who cares. I just have to keep on pretending that everything's fine. But are they really?

Everybody should just fuck off.

National Day 090812

Had a blast

If only

If I had a choice, I'd choose to stop living.
If I wasn't afraid, I'd kill myself.
If life could get easier, I'd be happier.
If only I didn't have any feelings, if only I could control what I say and what I don't.
If only someone knew just how much pain I'm in.
If only someone would be here for me, make my problems disappear, take me away from this horrible place.
If only everything from here came true. At the end of the day, everything's my fault.

Help?

Giving up my extra time for sleep to read, cause when I read it means I want to escape from reality. Yeah it's that bad.

My everything.

My sister told me before that you and I share a special relationship. We are so close, you probably know everything about me, both good and bad. And I probably know almost everything about you. I can't live without you. I love you but I'm not in love with you. I need you, you're like my mother, my sister, my bestfriend. It's like we can be so close and yet not like each other, and I like it this way. You're always there for me, you always try to buy everything I want, you always try to make me happy. You think of me more than yourself and I am grateful to be in your life. When I graduate it won't make a difference cause we will still be close. This is our first photo together, though I look so girly I still like this picture a lot. Love you hafie, Goodnight ♡

As usual

As usual things are not going well. Everything's crumbling down. Everytime I have a couple of good days, I'll get bad days in return. I don't know what to do. So is tomorrow going to be a bad day too, God? Tell me...
Just show me a fucking miracle. Just tell me that she'll be mind in the end, cause I can't not have her. I really can't. If I could just let go, I would. I'm trying.

So happy yet upset

Ms H got me this last night. I haven't thank her yet, cause I don't know if I should return it to her or not. I love it so much eventhough those weren't really the design that I want. But I like it anyway. I feel like if I accept this I'd be owing her.. She's already given me so many things and yes I'm so fucking happy but it isn't right. It's definitely not right to accept this especially when we're not talking. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to her...

My fishy

So long since I did a GIF. So long since I drew. Grrr, sis nagging at me to study, Sian. Sigh kbye

Shall write a proper post tmr,

ʕ•̬͡•ʔ how cute is that?
Hahahah, talked to her today. Happy. Heh Heh Heh. So much to talk about yet so little I'm posting. Too tired, goodnight.

Bad day.

Had a bad day, screwed up Chinese oral. Never did so badly before. Sigh met a new teacher, Ms Chua. Idk what this is all about. I'm so tired. Drew this for her.

List of things I need

I know I know, this is probably the third list I'm making. But seriously I want/need all these! Pretty please?

Longboard accessories

Bracelets

Converse Superman limited edition

Converse Batman limited edition

Vans (every colour)

Casio watches

Doctor Dre beats (need a new one)

Polaroid (I like the colour but I heard that they don't sell the films anymore so Idk)

I took a damn long time adding the photos together, all the things in the photo are pretty much what i want. I know I have no life but it makes me happy to find things I want to get. So I hope I get all of them soon.

One love

Hey there, you look like someone I know. You remind me of the girl I've fallen completely in love with by the name of Nufail.

I'm fucking done

I just want time to freeze. I just want to be alone, tears forming right now as I type this. I'm so tired, yet there's nothing I can do to feel better. To know that everyday it gets harder, it's depressing. To know that there's no one you can rely on, it's worse. Do all teenagers go through this? Cause seriously I had enough.

Maybe I should do that, who cares anyway? I feel better everytime I hurt myself. And I just don't give a fuck anymore

To you.

Have I ever told you, I love you?
Your imperfections, your face, everything about you. You light up my world, you mean everything to me. Everytime I see you, my heart dies. Everytime I think about you my heart dies again. I never told you that whenever you're around me, I can't breathe. You take my breath away, you are my affinity. I love you so much, it hurts so badly. So so badly. This post would never end, I can continue to talk about you. But what's the point when you don't even know this blog exist or my feelings for you even?

Expect the unexpected

It has been a really long day. In the morning, I actually had fun in school. We had free periods for SS and F&N. It's so rare to have Mdm Wahidah absent.. But things got alittle too shitty after school. Really shitty. And then just when I thought today was so fucked up, she replied me. And changed my mood completely. Sigh. I don't know what will happen tmr and I'm actually scared since tmr's Friday the 13th. But I really really hope things will go well with us tmr.

You and me again.

Haiz..

One day, you'll be mine.

Goodnight.

o(╯□╰)o

Why? Do I really suck so much?

Aw └(^o^)┘

I want us to be like that, please.

LMAO

This is too funny.

Good day

I had a really good day today. Though I'm tired, I really am happy. School was somewhat fun. We had pe, Eng, maths and chem. I think I had a nervous breakdown after Eng, so I went crazy. It was so funny. Those that had their N level oral today got to skip Bio. I want to talk about what happened after oral cause that's where the fun part starts but, I'm really tired and as long as I can remember what happened, I'm satisfied (:

Remember what I told you before? Guess not.

Feeling as lonely as ever.
My N level English oral is tomorrow, fuck me now.
Can someone buy a house and build me these rooms for me? I will fucking love you.

Goodbye ........

We haven't talked properly in a very long time. I've been bottling up everything inside. Whatever that's on my mind, stays in there. Why can't you just fix this up? Why can't you just read my mind, and make me happy? You don't want to. If you did we wouldn't be here now. Sometimes I look at the monkey, you bought for me last year, and all I want to do with it is just throw it away. I don't want to rely on it when I cry myself to sleep everynight. I don't want to hug it when I miss you. I don't want to even look at it cause it reminds me of you. Can't you see? Everything around me reminds me of you, and then you're there hurting me. Everyone's out to get me... But you can't. You don't deserve to me hurt me, not anymore. If you don't want me, I'll find someone else who needs me.