Exactly what's on my mind

Hard

Lately I haven't been enjoying the life god gave me... They say life has its ups and downs but for me, I've been living with downs for a really long time. The ratio of my happiness and sadness is like 1:5, every time something good happen, something bad hits me down 5 times harder. To feel that pain in your heart, and to not know what to do to make it go away. It's so hard.

Fuck my life lah

So in the end it's my fault, I'm good for nothing, always ruining people's mood. Spending their money, what else huh?

Just get me the things i want, problem fucking solved.

You know, if you were to just get everything that I want, things will get back to normal. Cause I'm like that and I want those stuff. But you're just too damn stubborn and stupid to actually get me those stuff. I'm gonna bet, that you will just be like the way you are. Just plain annoying, just spam text me and maybe call me a few times. But that's all you're gonna do, nothing else. You'll never know what to do, you never learn. And after all we've been through, and you are like that still? My middle finger salutes you. Just fuck off

I wish I didn't talk to you.

What happens when there's someone out there that buys for you almost everything you want, everything you can't afford, everything you've ever dreamed of... You take advantage of her, like how I take advantage of her. I can't help it, I'm materialistic and I like a lot of things. And she's the only one that gets me everything... why did I start talking to her all over again?? Not talking was so much better, now I'm asking her to get me an iPhone, Mac book, penny boards. I've already spent about more than 200 bucks from her card in less than two days. I want all these stuff so badly but at the same time I feel like shit. I hate myself. I hate that I'm already getting used to the thought of using my 'future' stuff, now I'm going to reject everything and the only victim in this shit is me. I just really feel like crap

I don't belong anywhere

There are more than 7 billion people living in this world. How the fuck is it possible that I feel so lonely. I wanna get out of here, cause there's nothing/nobody that's keeping me from leaving. So out of place, so sad, so tired.

The shit I want!

Fuckkk orgasm....

The shit I love

Cause nobody will ever know

Things will get better. Yesterday was disappointing but I have to be grateful. I have to be grateful. I'll count on myself to be happy. I'll save my own money to buy the things I want. I'll keep to myself. I'll be myself. Cause I know nobody's going to make me happy.
Just officially wrote the first letter out to Ms n. And here's the first picture I drew for her.

I know, it's fucking cute.

11:11

So I hope tmr will be a good day. Eventhough the plan is to study hardcore. I have to do this, final lap.

Always tired, always sad

What could possibly go wrong? Every single thing.

I'm drained

I went downstairs and my mum smiled at me and said sth to me but I just walked past her and ignored her. My dad just came home and he said Hi twice but I ignored him too. I feel so fucking rude, but I can't. I can't look at them in the eye and say anything. I can't face them. I'm so tired. I don't even know when was the last time I wasn't, I don't even remember when I was happy, I don't even know if there will ever be a day that I will be finally happy.
People leaving, people fighting. They don't know that every time there's a fight, I lose. A part of my soul leaves. Everyday I seem to be losing my motivation for anything and everything, especially studying. I keep it all inside, pretend that everything's going well. But when night comes, I go to sleep with a soaked pillow. Cause at night, all my emotions are released from the bottle I keep locked in my heart. It's so hard,

Birthday gift??

Please please can I have a makeover for my room? zomg!

Incomplete tweet

Everyone's happy, what about me?

Wish I wasn't born

I can't, I can't do this. I can't do this anymore.

Lmao

This cheered me up,

It's so hard to please me

What's going on? Am I getting tired of H? She's been so good to me, she supports me, she's here for me every time I'm down. She buys me everything I want, when I'm not even her own blood. She never want anything in return, and why isn't all these enough?
It's just about a week left to my N level. I don't want to take my O's. So this exam is my final lap, five years in secondary school and I can't believe I'm not ready to leave. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. God help me.

Will I ever get to do all these with you?

Give me a gun,

The fact that eating is such a torture just goes to show that even my body is giving up.

Pain

I'm always trying to be there for everyone, to please everyone. But where are they when I need someone? Who's there for me when I need to be cheered up? Nobody.
I'm giving up,

You and me?

The only picture that turned out perfect. I think this is probably my favourite picture. I think we really look cute together. I love her, and that's all there is.

KC Family day

So my first birthday present is from Ms H. My first Polaroid camera, Polaroid sx70 one step. I brought it to school yesterday and took a few photos. Everybody loved my camera, but it was so hard trying to take a perfect picture. I had fun yesterday, eventhough the carnival was so boring. I got to spend some time with Ms n, and Ms chua came to talk to me too. Lovely day, couldn't ask for more.
My girl on the right, Ms n. Our first time taking a picture together.
And everyone meet Marley, my awesome camera.

Idk

All alone downstairs. Just sitting in the kitchen with my phone in one hand and a glass of vodka in the other.. Haven't eaten anything and yet I'm drinking but who cares. A stick would be good now. Everything's so fucked up. But who cares. I just have to keep on pretending that everything's fine. But are they really?

Everybody should just fuck off.

National Day 090812

Had a blast