Why I smoke

I smoke to prolong my life. Yes, you heard me right, prolong. You see, smoking calms me down. Every time I get the feeling like I’m going to slice myself to pieces out of hatred for myself until there’s nothing left, I smoke. Every time I get the urge to take one of my dad’s guns and blow my brains against the wall, I smoke. Every time I start getting my saved up pills together to take all at once, I smoke. In the years it takes me to get lung cancer I will have stopped myself from destruction many of times. To me, smoking is the safer option. And smoking doesn’t fix it entirely, I’m not claiming that. I’m just saying it makes it manageable. And that’s all I need right now.